So Saturday was the Vancouver Taikai, which was why I was gone all day. Sorry, Famiglia TT___TT I wasn't here for the meeting. But I was with you guys in spirit, or something.

We woke up at the asscrack of dawn to trundle our way over the Canadian border to attend the 45th annual Vancouver Kendo Taikai. Not unusual for us; it's my third Vancouver one and I think about fifteenth taikai total or thereabouts. So not out of the ordinary.

What was different about this one was that something changed. I lost my match. That's not unusual either. I'm still considered a beginner, despite the fact that I'm now one rank away from getting my black belt (nominally, since there are no actual belts). The real stuff doesn't start until you're at least second or third degree black belt. That's the way kendo is.

But this time, I really felt like I could win. I felt good, I'd gotten a good night's sleep, I'd eaten well, I was in a good mood, I was nervous enough to get the adrenaline flowing but not so nervous it would impair my performance too much. And my dad and a few of the senpais had spent the entire morning pouring advice on me. I'd warmed up. I'd practiced. I had this.

And then I lost.

I know exactly why I lost, and I'm not bitter over the loss or anything. I was dumb and I tried something new at the last minute. Waza (I guess that would be translated as techniques) are like new shoes: best not used in the field until broken in. But that fire to win stayed, and it only got more stubborn the more I thought about it.

I'm actually really glad I lost, beacause I feel that by losing that one match, I gained something that winning would never have gotten me. That determination would have dissipated, and I would have gone on being complacent about my kendo, like I have been for the past six months or so.

But now I want to win. I want to get better. I spent the day watching strong fighters and I want to be like that. I want confidence that my strengh matches my rank. I still can't beat guys at the dojo two or three ranks below me. I can hold my own, but I can't beat them as soundly as I should be able to at my level. Granted, the only reason I'm higher than them is that I've faithfully attended promotion exams as a product of being a sensei's daughter. But it's no excuse. I've been realizing lately more than ever that passing the exam doesn't give you the right to the rank. In fact, earning that right almost starts when you pass. You have to show that you deserve it once you have it.

I don't feel like I deserve the rank I have now. My basics are strong and my form is damn well near perfect, I know that, because I spent the first two and a half years of my training basically doing nothing but basics and form at the dojo and at home while others were concentrating on sparring. But the consequence has been a severe lack of speed and strength. And I might look good swinging the shinai, but it's not worth anything if I can't hit.

It feels good to be motivated again.

I'm going to get stronger. I'll return to that time when I gave 110% at every practice. Those of you who do sports or martial arts know very well: there is a difference between giving 100% and 110%. One is doing what's expected of you, the other is going above and beyond for yourself and no one else. I always work hard at practice. It's against my nature to do otherwise. But my spirit wasn't in it. Now it's back, and I'm glad. This is probably the most productive loss I've ever suffered.

On a side note, we found THE MOST AMAZING Greek Restaurant afterward. It's called Vassilis Souvlaki, on King's Way, and if any of you are ever in Vancouver YOU MUST TRY IT. It's a tad pricey but worth every cent. You guys know how I eat. Well, I ate EVERY SCRAP OF FOOD on that platter that was about 18 inches across and 12 inches high. Yeah, me. And then had dessert. It was that good. Seriously, you guys, if you're ever in Vancouver with me, I will treat you, because it's definitely one of those places you have to go once in your life. (I don't even like lamb! But it was incredible.)

(Totally unrelated, there was this smexy beautiful red Ferrari in the parking lot and Nancy and I spent about five minutes drooling over it before we decided it was a God-given omen that we had to eat there. We weren't wrong.)

KSF (Kyoukugen Sakura Famiglia) Bulletin! (Okay, not much of one. Don't eat me.)

GAIZ, GAIZ. LOOKIT WHAT MY DAD BROUGHT HOME:
[link]

I think I just found another food item we have to have for our photo shoot. Add to the list of basil, tuna, pineapples, marshmallows, and I know I'm forgetting something.

I just had to show you.